All posts by The Writer

F*ck Your Thoughts & Prayers

If it’s not clear from my previous posts, I am a teacher. I’ve been in education for nearly twenty years now, and though pedagogically I become a better educator with each added year, the teaching experience is more difficult than ever before. Sure, there’s lots of curriculum to teach, new legislation is passed each year that directly impacts the students in my classroom, as well as culture war fallout, such as book bans and some of those in society believing teachers are indoctrinating the youth with whatever fill-in-the-blank issue is being talked about in conservative media. (And can I just say, for real, teachers do not have time in the day to pee; we barely have time to wolf-down a meal before running to our classroom to teach for three and a half more hours. No way is there time for teachers to plan and carry out a “liberal agenda” style brainwashing. Also, if there was a plan to indoctrinate young minds in a public school classroom, the goal would be to have the students prepared with a pencil, use electronic devices appropriately, and wear deodorant.)

All of what I have mentioned in the previous paragraph is difficult to deal with, but we manage. For me, I’ve noticed an increase in anxiety and emotional dis-regulation. It’s to the point in my career that I put a lot of daily effort into making my classroom feel serene, and a place where mistakes can happen, because we all know, learning does not happen unless we feel safe enough to make mistakes.

And that’s the point of this post: feeling safe. I can create a reset station, facilitate restorative practices, teach social skills, as well as personalize assignments to meet each students cognitive needs and physical abilities, but what I can’t do is make them ACTUALLY SAFE. I can only give them the feeling of it.

Years ago I taught first grade. A moment I will never forget in my teaching career happened after all the students had gone home for the day. I was preparing materials and lessons for the next week when the evening custodian asked me how I was doing since I’d heard the news. I had no clue what he was talking about. I had been working for hours and hadn’t checked any news sites, or read any non-work emails all day. He told me about the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary, and that teachers and students were dead.

I was shocked. Someone went into a school with young children…babies…and that’s what they were…each one of them was someone’s baby…and now they were dead. All these years later, I still remember what I felt that day; that paradigm shift, that now it wasn’t just high school students in danger, it was also the little ones.

I few years ago I was teaching second grade. We planned an end-of-the-year field trip, to walk to a nearby park. We lined up chaperones, bought popsicles to hand out, and ordered sack lunches from the school so the students could eat their lunches at the park. We sent reminders the afternoon before, for students to bring a water bottle, wear sunscreen and a hat. That evening I got home and read about Uvalde.

I was…not shocked. I was angry. I was horrified. I was outraged. WHY is this STILL happening? Why are WE, THE PEOPLE, still letting this happen to our children?!

The morning of the field trip. I greeted each student at my outside door with a smile, while my eyes constantly swept the area for anything that looked off or dangerous. Leaving the school, out in the open, with all twenty-seven of my second-graders following behind me like a long line of ducklings, felt perilous. All four classes of students, teachers, and chaperones made it to the park safely. The kids enjoyed their day. The adults were pensive and spoke quietly to each other, out of the hearing of young ears. I will never forget that feeling of exposed helplessness.

This week four people died in a shooting at Apalachie High School in Georgia. Two teachers and two fourteen year olds are dead, all of whom have families and friends whose lives are forever changed.

What will it take for voters and legislators to acknowledge gun reform needs to happen, has needed to happen for years? Thoughts and prayers are less than useless. They are the roll of paper towels tossed at hurricane survivors. Legislation needs to be written, debated, voted on and passed into law.

Tomorrow morning I will go into work, prepare my classroom to be the calm learning space it needs to be. When the bell rings I will greet my students at the door with a smile, take attendance, and lunch count, and then I will inform all twenty-five of my students that we will practice a scheduled Lock-Down Drill. I will show them all the spaces I have made in my classroom that will “hide” them when we go into lockdown. I will tell them that during the drill they need to be absolutely silent, as we are practicing as if it may really happen. I will tell them this while using a translating app, so that all my students will understand. And I’ll see on each and every face, the moment they understand and begin to spiral. I will do my best to reassure them that it is, only a practice.

I have done enough of these drills to know that when the drill is over the students will need to burn off all the adrenaline gathered in their system. I know the likelihood of learning and retaining anything I teach tomorrow will be extremely low, unless I overcompensate for the sheer madness of this reality.

Rather than hope for the day, when this is no longer a the reality of education, I will vote for the day this madness ends.

There’s your indoctrination.

Brain Freeze Dump

You ever find yourself thinking and notice your body hasn’t moved in minutes, and is barely breathing? The more mental overload/spiral, the more likely I am to turn into a mannequin. There are a lot of little tangental things adding up to huge traffic congestion in my brain. In an attempt to declutter my pathways I’m going to dump some of the randoms here, right now.

There is so much to do!

In the same week a colleague’s dad passed, another’s grandchild was born. And in-between those huge major life events many funny as well as melodramatic things happen each day at my job. Sympathizing, cheering, laughing, brainstorming, and all the other things we experience interacting with others takes an emotional toll. Life is exhausting.

Money doesn’t stretch nearly as easily these days. Even a year ago, I didn’t worry as much at the end of each month. (Note to self: research how much donating plasma pays.)

Remember, remember, remember…you are only in charge of yourself…even though your job, the culture you grew up in, and society at large tells you otherwise. Take care of yourself, and make sure you’re okay, so that your boundaries will be easier to maintain while dealing with all sorts.

Yes, there truly is so much to do. I need to go DO now.

Lazy Afternoon

The last two weeks have flown by. The weather here has been hot and muggy. Last weekend and most of this week we’ve had flash flood warnings. Earlier this week there was standing water on the road, including the freeway, on my morning commute. I appreciated the change from the normal arid climate. The change in weather caused me to change the way I drove. It made me slow down, give more space, leave earlier to arrive on time, rather than panicked or not at all.

While noticing and appreciating the weather change I also had the experience of appreciating that most of the time I live pain-free. Yes, I do have the normal aches and pains that come with aging, but for the most part it’s a rare day when I need to take ibuprofen or other OTC pain killers. For a few days this week I’ve hobbled along due to inflammation in my big toe. I don’t remember bumping the toe, or dropping anything (Inattentive ADHD person here) but it sure felt uncomfortable to walk or even put on socks and shoes. After a few days I realized I had changed my walk. I had compensated for the pain by putting my weight on the outer arch of the foot as I walked, which brought discomfort up my calf to my knee. When I noticed this imbalance I readjusted to my old walk, and when I got home I elevated and iced my toe for a few nights. It’s not feeling completely better, it’s so much better than the way it felt days ago.

Little adjustments can create big ripples, and have large impacts, which can be positive or negative, depending on conscious observation and action. Being conscious requires a lot of energy, at least for me, I can’t speak for others. In the past the word lazy was linked to negative emotions for me. However, there is nothing wrong with having lazy afternoons, or down time. Just like everyone needs sleep, everyone needs time to themselves, whether they can get carve out that time or not. I’m grateful I have a life that allows me to recuperate some energy and be present most of the time. 

Matriculation

The bell rings

Teachers greet students

With smiles bright

Like the morning sun

Another cycle has begun

We learn by doing

Make mistakes then fix

Meet the challenges and make

Growth through not yet

The cycle continues on

 Until one day

We matriculate

To another place

And time

A new-yet familiar-cycle resumes

What’s the curriculum there?

I wonder if I’ll make friends.

Will I love that life

As much as this?

Processing

New Parking Spots

New Colleagues

New Schedules

New Standards

New Challenges

New Relationships

A new perspective,

Gained by learning and making,

Subtle changes over time,

That take root and become,

Core Values,

Essentially inseparable.

Changes will always come.

My acceptance of change,

Becomes easier the more I practice and process.

Transforming fear and discomfort,

Into calm acknowledgment.

Not fighting, but flowing,

Leading to more Joy

More Friends

More Words

More Love

More Life 

More Me

Unity

One by one we meet

Ready to take on this destruction

To reorganize and build

A haven,

A place where it’s safe to grow,

A place for becoming.

Our needs?

A list of tasks,

A familial knowing of what’s required

To get the job done.

Hit play,

Smile with nostalgia when the 12-string chord resounds.

Two hours later

The music stops.

The tasks are completed.

My haven is ready

Because we made it so.

Late July

My inner critic is strong today. This post probably won’t—definitely won’t—be what I would like it to be, but I’ve got to write to overcome this paralysis.

This week has gone by in a blink.

I was able to write another three thousand words to a story I’m writing. I find that it’s the in-between (the details between dialogue, pivotal moments, etc.) that are the most critical challenge at the moment. I find I wish I was just the reader, and the description would magically appear on the page. And then the next thought I have is how glad I am that I am the writer and I get to be the one to paint the scene for others.

I was out running errands today and felt tightness in my calves. That feeling reminded me of all the physical things I was able to do this week. I cleared out a few cabinets in my kitchen to downsize and donate items. I lifted and cleared out moving boxes while I organized my new work space. I kicked and actively swam in a gorgeous AirB&B pool with friends on one of the most beautiful sunny days this month.

Self care is still a relatively new thing for me, but I have to acknowledge that this week felt like a good balance. I saw friends, paid bills, went to an annual medical screening before heading to work. I feel very fortunate for to have all I have, including all the people in my life.

My critic feels less oppressive at the moment, so I will go write a few thousand more words to my stories. 

August will arrive on Thursday.

Gratitude Attitude

I’ve never done a Gratitude Journal or any sort of formal reflection of the good things going on in my life. A book I’ve read this week mentioned that daily gratitude can change your overall thinking or feeling about life. So reflecting on the week past, here are the things I am grateful for.

Nephews

I’m grateful for my nephews. I’m grateful I got to celebrate two of my nephew’s birthdays this month. Though they are both young men and live far away I was happy to celebrate them on their day and to share what they mean to me.

I’m grateful I had my brother’s boys this week, while their mom was out of town and their dad had early-morning jobs. I’m grateful for the early morning commute each day as I drove them to their summer activities. I’m grateful I get to experience the joy I feel when they are present in my home.

Home

I’m grateful I have a home of my own, filled with things that bring me happiness.

Job

I’m grateful I have a job that allows me to pay my monthly bills. I’m grateful to have mentally challenging, sometimes physically exhausting days. I’m grateful for my co-workers, especially the building custodians this week, for their dedication and hard work.

Family

I’m grateful for each member of my family. The more the years pass, the more love and feelings of friendship I have for them. I’m grateful I live near a majority of my family, and that I can still interact with those who live farther via social media.

Random Gratitude

I’m grateful for the rain; for the immediate peace that petrichor brings me, and the sweet recollections of childhood when I hear the rumble of summer thunder.

I’m grateful for locally owned bookstores and self-help books.

I’m grateful I was able to reset my AirPods charging station so I can use them as I work around my house.

I’m grateful for water, to float and flow with, to kick and swim against, to quench thirst and sustain life. 

I’m grateful for friends who love me and accept me even when I go quiet.

I’m grateful for me; for the person I am and the one I am trying to become.

Processing Grief

Grief fills the room up of my absent child, 
Lies in his bed, walks up and down with me, 
Puts on his pretty looks, repeats his words, 
Remembers me of all his gracious parts, 
Stuffs out his vacant garments with his form; 
Then, have I reason to be fond of grief?

William Shakespeare, King John, Act III, Scene 4

So I thought I was doing a good job of coping with life. I thought I looked fine on the outside. I knew I wasn’t doing well, but I thought that using all the tools I’ve learned in my years of therapy would at least give my close family and friends peace of mind. Yes, I’ve bought myself a couple of therapy sessions this summer to get a handle on my mental health game, and I’m glad I did, because I super needed my latest session.

When I went into my therapist’s office earlier this week evidently I was giving out an “on edge” energy, which I was unaware of. After updating my work from a previous session he asked what was going on.

I’m sad

I’m sad and I’ve been sad for so long. No matter what I do for self care, (diet, exercise, adequate sleep, meaningful social connections, etc.) I can’t shake it. I’ve felt this for months and months, and none of the sadness is going away.

Here’s the gist: sad is not exactly how to categorize what I am feeling. I’m grieving. I need something that will help me process my grief, rather than holding it inside me.

I’m someone that needs a plan. My therapist knows this about me, and did a wonderful job helping me find a tool/procedure that might help. It has concrete steps to hang on to, so that I have something to work toward, measure, and reflect on.

The Plan

Make a list of all that I have lost. Not just the physical presence of my dad. There are other personal losses, but there are also global losses that all who are alive and alert may also be grieving (ie, The Age of Innocence, Age of Morality, Age of Lawfulness). After making the list choose an item from the list and meditate on it. Experience it; not just think it. Feel it. Continue the process regularly.

I made my list Tuesday night in a room I rarely use in my house. The next night I meditated on one of those losses, in that space, for no longer than thirty minutes. Yes, I did set a timer on my phone.

So far the work is exhausting. In that room Wednesday night, I sobbed and rocked for thirty minutes straight, I was so overwhelmed by my grief. By the time my thirty minute meditation was over I felt drained. Utterly empty.

The thing is, what I processed on Wednesday night wasn’t even on my list of losses. But as I looked at my lists, to see what loss would be the focus that night I felt a visceral need to write one more down.

My body knew.

My heart knew.

I never knew until I opened the possibility for grief to come in and tell me more.

Character Background

Loud noises are startling. Loud arhythmic repetitive explosions brings my hyper-vigilance to the forefront of all my thinking and actions. So it really helps to have something to focus on when the rockets red glare and bombs bursting in air happen on the nightly throughout the entire month of July. 

Today my afternoon was spent in building question tables as I created a character background template for a story I want to write. I used my stage background to begin forming questions, but I also added some I want to know from my work in therapy. For me, creating characters is part of the joy playing pretend. It’s all about making decisions, and agreeing to the real consequences of those decisions, and how they shape that character’s—for lack of a better word—character.

So far I have an adequate background for my two main characters and a ghostly sketch of the third. As the sun begins to set and the explosives begin their patriotic serenade I’m glad I have several other characters waiting to tell me who they are, and how they fit into the world I’m creating. I’m excited to have more questions for each of them, and can’t wait to see what their answers will be.