Category Writing

You ever find yourself thinking and notice your body hasn’t moved in minutes, and is barely breathing? The more mental overload/spiral, the more likely I am to turn into a mannequin. There are a lot of little tangental things adding up to huge traffic congestion in my brain. In an attempt to declutter my pathways I’m going to dump some of the randoms here, right now.

There is so much to do!

In the same week a colleague’s dad passed, another’s grandchild was born. And in-between those huge major life events many funny as well as melodramatic things happen each day at my job. Sympathizing, cheering, laughing, brainstorming, and all the other things we experience interacting with others takes an emotional toll. Life is exhausting.

Money doesn’t stretch nearly as easily these days. Even a year ago, I didn’t worry as much at the end of each month. (Note to self: research how much donating plasma pays.)

Remember, remember, remember…you are only in charge of yourself…even though your job, the culture you grew up in, and society at large tells you otherwise. Take care of yourself, and make sure you’re okay, so that your boundaries will be easier to maintain while dealing with all sorts.

Yes, there truly is so much to do. I need to go DO now.

The bell rings

Teachers greet students

With smiles bright

Like the morning sun

Another cycle has begun

We learn by doing

Make mistakes then fix

Meet the challenges and make

Growth through not yet

The cycle continues on

 Until one day

We matriculate

To another place

And time

A new-yet familiar-cycle resumes

What’s the curriculum there?

I wonder if I’ll make friends.

Will I love that life

As much as this?

New Parking Spots

New Colleagues

New Schedules

New Standards

New Challenges

New Relationships

A new perspective,

Gained by learning and making,

Subtle changes over time,

That take root and become,

Core Values,

Essentially inseparable.

Changes will always come.

My acceptance of change,

Becomes easier the more I practice and process.

Transforming fear and discomfort,

Into calm acknowledgment.

Not fighting, but flowing,

Leading to more Joy

More Friends

More Words

More Love

More Life 

More Me

One by one we meet

Ready to take on this destruction

To reorganize and build

A haven,

A place where it’s safe to grow,

A place for becoming.

Our needs?

A list of tasks,

A familial knowing of what’s required

To get the job done.

Hit play,

Smile with nostalgia when the 12-string chord resounds.

My inner critic is strong today. This post probably won’t—definitely won’t—be what I would like it to be, but I’ve got to write to overcome this paralysis.

This week has gone by in a blink.

I was able to write another three thousand words to a story I’m writing. I find that it’s the in-between (the details between dialogue, pivotal moments, etc.) that are the most critical challenge at the moment. I find I wish I was just the reader, and the description would magically appear on the page. And then the next thought I have is how glad I am that I am the writer and I get to be the one to paint the scene for others.

I was out running errands today and felt tightness in my calves. That feeling reminded me of all the physical things I was able to do this week. I cleared out a few cabinets in my kitchen to downsize and donate items. I lifted and cleared out moving boxes while I organized my new work space. I kicked and actively swam in a gorgeous AirB&B pool with friends on one of the most beautiful sunny days this month.

Self care is still a relatively new thing for me, but I have to acknowledge that this week felt like a good balance. I saw friends, paid bills, went to an annual medical screening before heading to work. I feel very fortunate for to have all I have, including all the people in my life.

My critic feels less oppressive at the moment, so I will go write a few thousand more words to my stories. 

August will arrive on Thursday.

Loud noises are startling. Loud arhythmic repetitive explosions brings my hyper-vigilance to the forefront of all my thinking and actions. So it really helps to have something to focus on when the rockets red glare and bombs bursting in air happen on the nightly throughout the entire month of July. 

Today my afternoon was spent in building question tables as I created a character background template for a story I want to write. I used my stage background to begin forming questions, but I also added some I want to know from my work in therapy. For me, creating characters is part of the joy playing pretend. It’s all about making decisions, and agreeing to the real consequences of those decisions, and how they shape that character’s—for lack of a better word—character.

So far I have an adequate background for my two main characters and a ghostly sketch of the third. As the sun begins to set and the explosives begin their patriotic serenade I’m glad I have several other characters waiting to tell me who they are, and how they fit into the world I’m creating. I’m excited to have more questions for each of them, and can’t wait to see what their answers will be.